Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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