I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
