just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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