Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
