I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
