I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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