it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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