I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
