You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
