Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
