Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
