YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
