You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
