I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
