i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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