Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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