There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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