I accidentally had phone sex last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
cat food counts as protein by the way
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
