Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
