I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
