she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
