Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
