If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YAS. BRING CRAB.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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