Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
