I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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