Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
