i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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