..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
