So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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