dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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