I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
