Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
