I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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