Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
