I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just cropdusted the office
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
