I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
