and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
