oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
