only if we run a train.
done.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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