I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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