I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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