Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
