Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
