oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
