Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
