Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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