Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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