Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
