Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
