i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
